oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
