Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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