i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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