I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
