Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
we should paint friendship bongs
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