sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
