it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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