Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
