she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
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Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
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People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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