Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
