my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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