ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize