also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
