There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
i've created a new STD.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
