I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
