She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
