Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
