Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
