you win again, gameday.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
