do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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