Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
