made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
