Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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