jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Randomize
