sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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