Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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