Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
