Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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