I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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