Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
