if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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