Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
