thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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