she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
