I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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