it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
