You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
