??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
