I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
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So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
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Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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