Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize