38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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