my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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