he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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