how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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