New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
