Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize