i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
