Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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