the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
