i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
All I want is dick and wine.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
