my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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