so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
