yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
