I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
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There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
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So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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