It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I deserve this hangover.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
