none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize