Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
