In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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