Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
