based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I did not marry a roomba.
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