Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
