I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
