I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
