You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
