If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"