yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
what ever happened to devon sawa?
i'm really worried about him.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
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She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
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I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.