you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs