Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
25 Hilarious ‘Sex Clubs’ You Should Try To Join
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.