My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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