This dress was meant to end up on your floor
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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