He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
