My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
