apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
