Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
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