how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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