I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
so let's talk penis.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm too high and old for this...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
