i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
