I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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