I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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