Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
