careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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