Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
