yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
My liver just broke up with me...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
