when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
